Last night, at my church's youth group, they had a guest speaker. She talked about the various names of/for God. Really, if one were to seriously think about it, we can't possibly come up with all the names for God. He's just so... all-encompassing that humans can't have the knowledge and/or words in any and all languages for knowing the names of God. However, that's not really what this blog post is about.
The guest speaker started by going through the room and having each youth say their names and what it means. I've always enjoyed learning about people's meanings to their names. Sometimes I seriously consider if I like writing stories only because it gives me an excuse to look up names and the meanings. Especially since I never seem to finish the stories... on paper that is. The stories are almost always complete in my head. Maybe that's why I never finish the stories on paper?
Lately I've been pushing thoughts around my head that connect with this whole names and their meanings concept. It answers the question "Who am I?" and "What makes me me?" Clearly, the easy, generic answers are God, situations in life, people around me, etc. And I agree with all of those. But, thinking deeper about it, what really makes up the physical, intellectual, and spiritual me? What makes up this two-legged, curious, loving human walking on this (beautiful, amazing) created Earth?
Life brought a lot of changes into my life. As I continue on, I'm sure it will continue to change me. When I was kid I remember being both shy and outgoing. I'd have to be outgoing to say something like "I'm going to go catch me a man!" to my mom! I was younger than a kindergartener at the time and talking about fifth grade boys leaving my older sister's school. In middle school, I was popular. Mostly because my best friend at the time was the most popular girl in school. I still got teased for being smart and being in choir and orchestra, but it could've been worse had I not had it in with the "in" crowd. But it was high school, I think, when I really started truly being myself.
I consider myself as a girl of contradictions. I feel equally comfortable in sweats/jeans and a tee as I do in business casual clothes. I even (secretly) miss school because as an adult I have no excuse to dress up in formal dresses. So instead, I put on my dresses and twirl in the mirror of my apartment and daydream about going to a dance instead. I love my hair both short and straight or longer and wavy. I love sports and being active, but I also love reading and crafts. I'm a tomboy and a girly girl at the same time. My family would consider me the most fashion-forward of us all, but I also snub at fashion for a good day fishing and slouching around. The other day I stumbled across the thought that I miss immensely wearing fun tees (band tees, character tees, etc.). I used to have a Rainbow Bright shirt that I adored. Also, if I'm being completely honest, I'm just waiting for carpenter pants and bib/overalls to come back into style. It was a sad day, indeed, when they left the stores, out of style.
Unpacking my apartment, it's really made me think about what makes me me. I run across things like art that I love and dice I used to use in games in high school. All of these things have helped shape who I am today.
And of course, my name: Jennifer Nicole. Jennifer means fair. Some websites list that my name means a gentle wave. I'd like to think both of these meanings fit me. Mainly what my name means to me, though, is: Jennifer Nicole, Child of God. Created by Him who loves me, who will never leave me.
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