Time

     It's odd. When we are younger, we look at the lives of older siblings, parents, and older kids at school. We're all dreaming of being older. We make plans about what we'll do "when we grow up" and how long it'll take us to reach those goals. For example, growing up I always said I'd get married and have kids; and do this by the time I was 30 years old. 

     But when we get older, something in life happens and we all now wish we could be younger again! Wanting to swap our hectic days for the laid back summers of kids, our worries and sorrows of grown-up life for the worries and sorrows of a kid during recess. From a big problem of "if Susie Q likes Billy Joe , then I can't!" to the big problem of "what am I going to feed the kids if there's no money for groceries and no food in the house?" 

     Working in retail and volunteering in youth programs, I can't count how many times I've heard children make plans and wistfully describe their perfect grown-up dream life. All the while, I was wistfully pleading with them silently to just stay young! I wish to tell the youth that although it seems like it will be "forever" until you're old enough to drive, buy a house, vacation from work, etc., it is far longer that you will be wishing you were young again. I remember wanting to be older until I was roughly a teenager in middle or high school. Since then (until the day i die), I will be wishing for my kid days again! So roughly 13-14 years of wanting to grow up vs. roughly 81 years of wanting to be younger. 

     Don't get me wrong here, there are some MAJOR bonuses to being older. For instance, I DO get to have a family, a home, and enjoy the freedom from owning a car (and not having a curfew). I would hate to imagine what an adult life would be like without the perks; If all adulthood offered was the stress from work, money, and life. I can imagine that if that were reality, humans would only have a lifespan to 40 years or less. 

     Overall, I feel like many adults (myself included) spend too much time dwelling in the "wishing for childhood back" stage and not actually moving forward and doing something about it. I'm slowly working on changing that for myself. I've been doing more bike riding lately. It's something I loved doing as a kid. I seemed to ride my bike everywhere in the summer. Or just went for leisurely rides to feel the wind whip my hair behind me and show off that I could ride hands-free. 

     But that's not enough for me. I want to do more painting, drawing, fishing, playing. 

     The question is, will you play with me? Will you start setting aside your adulthood a little to revert back to your childhood? Will you stop wistfully dreaming of "what you used to do" and make it a reality again? 

Matthew 18:3  And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." 

Perfectly Imperfect

     Last night, at my church's youth group, they had a guest speaker. She talked about the various names of/for God. Really, if one were to seriously think about it, we can't possibly come up with all the names for God. He's just so... all-encompassing that humans can't have the knowledge and/or words in any and all languages for knowing the names of God. However, that's not really what this blog post is about.
     The guest speaker started by going through the room and having each youth say their names and what it means. I've always enjoyed learning about people's meanings to their names. Sometimes I seriously consider if I like writing stories only because it gives me an excuse to look up names and the meanings. Especially since I never seem to finish the stories... on paper that is. The stories are almost always complete in my head. Maybe that's why I never finish the stories on paper?
     Lately I've been pushing thoughts around my head that connect with this whole names and their meanings concept. It answers the question "Who am I?" and "What makes me me?" Clearly, the easy, generic answers are God, situations in life, people around me, etc. And I agree with all of those. But, thinking deeper about it, what really makes up the physical, intellectual, and spiritual me? What makes up this two-legged, curious, loving human walking on this (beautiful, amazing) created Earth?
     Life brought a lot of changes into my life. As I continue on, I'm sure it will continue to change me. When I was kid I remember being both shy and outgoing. I'd have to be outgoing to say something like "I'm going to go catch me a man!" to my mom! I was younger than a kindergartener at the time and talking about fifth grade boys leaving my older sister's school. In middle school, I was popular. Mostly because my best friend at the time was the most popular girl in school. I still got teased for being smart and being in choir and orchestra, but it could've been worse had I not had it in with the "in" crowd. But it was high school, I think, when I really started truly being myself.
     I consider myself as a girl of contradictions. I feel equally comfortable in sweats/jeans and a tee as I do in business casual clothes. I even (secretly) miss school because as an adult I have no excuse to dress up in formal dresses. So instead, I put on my dresses and twirl in the mirror of my apartment and daydream about going to a dance instead. I love my hair both short and straight or longer and wavy. I love sports and being active, but I also love reading and crafts. I'm a tomboy and a girly girl at the same time. My family would consider me the most fashion-forward of us all, but I also snub at fashion for a good day fishing and slouching around. The other day I stumbled across the thought that I miss immensely wearing fun tees (band tees, character tees, etc.). I used to have a Rainbow Bright shirt that I adored. Also, if I'm being completely honest, I'm just waiting for carpenter pants and bib/overalls to come back into style. It was a sad day, indeed, when they left the stores, out of style.
     Unpacking my apartment, it's really made me think about what makes me me. I run across things like art that I love and dice I used to use in games in high school. All of these things have helped shape who I am today.
     And of course, my name: Jennifer Nicole. Jennifer means fair. Some websites list that my name means a gentle wave. I'd like to think both of these meanings fit me. Mainly what my name means to me, though, is: Jennifer Nicole, Child of God. Created by Him who loves me, who will never leave me.

Connections

     It's crazy how great God is. Sitting in church on Sunday Feb. 17th, the sermon was about how God loves us unconditionally. That there's no if to His love. This very concept is what God led me to teach the High School Sunday School class not three weeks earlier! I am constantly humbled and just awestruck at how He works in our lives, connecting all of us.
     I was talking to a friend of mine that I hadn't seen for a long time. She told me she had met a new friend from one of her long-time friends. The odd thing? We both went to High School with this new friend of hers and neither of us knew him until later! Likewise, the interim youth director at my church was my friend's youth director while she was in High School. It's incredible just how small the world really is! It's crazy to think that somehow, through someone, we all know everyone else on this planet. Think about it. That's knowing 7,068,868,358 (according to the U.S. Census Bureau website's current population clock on Feb. 27 around 10:19pm CT) people. Those of you who don't think you're popular, look at that number again. That's A LOT of people. Since we all know each other through someone down the line eventually, you can consider yourself popular if you wish to.

Quick Ponderings

So, I find myself thinking the most random things sometimes. More honestly, I find myself pondering random things most of the time. Today is such a day.
Valentine's Day is getting to be more and more controversial. Growing up, I remember loving this day for the simple fact that I usually got candy and sometimes neat Disney tattoos from valentine cards. As I grew up, it became more about the "love" which surrounds this day. Today (and yesterday even!) I find Facebook posts positively celebrating this day or negatively bashing the holiday. I, myself, go back and forth between loving it and hating it, and all for different reasons. Love it because it focuses on loving each other. Hate it because of the commerciality of the day.
However, this is not the randomness I was originally pondering. What I am pondering most about is what if Valentine's Day never existed to begin with? What happened/exactly when did it become so commercialized? Would it be totally different if media and culture commercialized it in a way to celebrate loving between friends and neighbors vs. couples-focused?
Then, I thought about it being lent already (gosh this year is going so quickly!). Is lent affecting Valentine's Day for any of you? Have you given up chocolate for lent and your significant other (or family, friends, teachers, neighbors) has given you a gift with chocolate in it? By chocolate I mean anything you might have personally chosen to give up. So does Valentine's Day make lent harder? All the temptations surrounding us....

See, odd pondering indeed.

Love's Muse...the Meaning

     So, I joined the realm of bloggers. I joined two days ago, and it's taken two days to post something! When I first joined, I thought it would be so easy to just write what I was thinking about and share with my friends. Instead, I found that I didn't really know what I was going to write about.
     It was much like trying to figure out what I was going to name my blog. I wanted something interesting, different. But, I also wanted it to say something about myself. How did I end up with "Love's Muse"? I got 'love' because...well, because I love Love. My favorite Bible verses are 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a. They are what most people call the Love Verses. They end up in probably more weddings than really delicious cake. To me, these verses mean so much more than just words said to loved ones on a special day.

     Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love doesn't delight in evil, but rejoices in Truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

    They're guidelines on how to (try to) live my life. Since I'm only human, I fail at many of these descriptions daily. I will be the first to tell anyone that I do, indeed, have more road-rage than I should have, because I don't have the patience. And what is the first thing love is according to verse 4? Patient. All I can do is try to live my life according to these verses.
     Why even try to do that? Because I love God with all my heart and want to follow Him. 1 John 4:8 says "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." So, not only are these verses guidelines to running my life, they're also a small definition, a miniscule glimpse, of who God really is.
     I could go on and on and pick those few verses apart, but that would take a long time. Maybe some other post I will pick the verses apart more and more. Instead, I will explain why I used 'muse' as my second word. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of muse is:

(as a verb) 1. to become absorbed in thought; especially : to turn something over in the mind meditatively and often inconclusively

2.  to think or say reflectively

(as a noun) 1. a state of deep thought or dreamy abstraction

 2. a source of inspiration; especially : a guiding genius

     The whole point of a blog is to write down a person's thoughts, feelings, opinions, and share it with others. What I will be writing in the posts are certainly things that I will have turned over in the mind meditatively and thought reflectively about.

     It's funny. When I first started this first post, I was aimlessly typing, hoping for some direction on what to write about. The words took off without me and I'm just now catching up to the fact that I've actually put together a (somewhat) cohesive first blog post!!!